


Bite Me

by DoomedTemperament



Category: Kuroko no Basuke | Kuroko's Basketball
Genre: Crack, Humor, M/M, Vampires
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-17
Updated: 2017-09-17
Packaged: 2018-12-30 16:37:49
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 776
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12112818
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DoomedTemperament/pseuds/DoomedTemperament
Summary: “So let me get this straight,” Mibuchi started, taking a deep breath and clasping his hands together, “You, Mayuzumi Chihiro… are a vampire.”---Entry for the KnB Discord AU Battle, Team Nacho Cheese. Genre: Fantasy, AU: Mythical Creatures.





	Bite Me

“So let me get this straight,” Mibuchi started, taking a deep breath and clasping his hands together, “You, Mayuzumi Chihiro… are a vampire.”

“That’s what I said, isn’t it?”

Mibuchi frowned and looked at Mayuzumi, who was currently sipping on a juice box. The two of them, along with Hayama and Nebuya, were seated at one of the lunch tables at Rakuzan. Mibuchi supposed he should be grateful that nobody was actually bothering to listen in to their conversation- possibly because Akashi was busy with a student council meeting, and his flock of admirers was put off by the rest of the team.

“So, the reason you never show up in our team pictures is…” Nebuya began.

“Not because of some dumb misdirection, no,” Mayuzumi finished.

Hayama looked at Mayuzumi with stars in his eyes.

“Do you have super-speed?”

Mayuzumi grimaced, and said, “No, that’s a myth. If I did, don’t you think I’d be a better basketball player?”

“It would make things more fun,” Nebuya said thoughtfully.

Mibuchi sighed.

“Do you really expect us to believe that vampires exist? And that we’re talking to one right now?”

“Is that why you got stomach cramps when we went out for Italian food after that one game in Osaka?” Hayama cut in, making Mibuchi’s expression turn from exasperated to somewhat annoyed.

“I didn’t think the panini would have garlic butter on it,” Mayuzumi groused.

“Maybe that’s why he always has that empty look in his eyes,” Nebuya mused out loud.

“First of all, my eyes have always looked that way. Second of all, if you’re gonna insult me, at least wait until I’m out of earshot.”

“So you don’t have super-hearing either?”

_“Hayama.”_

“Enough!” Mibuchi said, throwing his hands into the air. “This is just ridiculous! Vampires don’t exist, and,” He pointed a finger at Mayuzumi, “You’re cruel for taking advantage of their gullibility. Have you no shame?”

“Who are you calling gullible?!” Nebuya complained.

Mayuzumi scoffed, and said in his usual deadpan voice, “If you don’t believe me, that’s not my problem.”

Mibuchi sighed. Patience was a virtue, but a damn difficult one.

“Fine then. If you’re really a vampire, show us your teeth.”

“I can’t. My fangs retract when I’m not using them.”

“How convenient,” Mibuchi said dryly.

At that moment, Akashi approached the table.

“You all look like you’re having a rather lively conversation.”

“Sei-chan, thank goodness,” Mibuchi said, relieved, “Please talk some sense into Hayama and Nebuya. They think Mayuzumi is a vampire.”

“But he is.”

Mibuchi looked at Akashi blankly.

“What?”

Akashi hummed in thought, as if he was reminiscing on something.

“Part of the reason why I was interested in letting Chihiro join the team was that I could make use of his natural lack of presence. Some may call it cheating, I think of it as taking advantage of a gift. I can assure you though, if you’re worried about it, Chihiro isn’t even remotely dangerous, even when hungry. Despite his appearance and general demeanor, he has an abundance of self-restraint.” He paused, and in an oddly confident tone of voice, continued, “We have an agreement of sorts. Once every other week after basketball practice, I’ll allow him to drink some of my blood. He needs it for sustenance, I derive a form of sexual gratification from it. While it is a private affair, it’s not as though it harms me. It’s actually quite good for getting the adrenaline flowing.” And finally, as an afterthought, he said, “I’d be tempted to experiment with that before a game, but blood loss, basketball, and erections don’t exactly go hand in hand.”

Mibuchi, Hayama, and Nebuya looked between Akashi and the Mayuzumi.

Hayama frowned. “Damn, and I actually thought Mayuzumi was being serious…”

Nebuya nodded in agreement.

“Akashi and Mayuzumi having weird vampire sex is too wild of a story to me to imagine… and too gross, too.”

Mibuchi shook his head.

“While I appreciate you humoring us, Mayuzumi, I’m afraid your joke went a bit too far.”

The bell signalling the near end of the lunch hour drew all five players’ attention. Hayama, Nebuya, and Mibuchi all stood up to leave for class. Hayama took one last look back at Mayuzumi, and pouted.

As Mayuzumi stood up to leave, Akashi spoke.

“It’s really a shame. I was telling the truth.”

Mayuzumi snorted.

“At least they didn’t believe you, otherwise they’d know you were a fangbanger.”

Akashi raised an eyebrow, amused.

“Such crude language, Chihiro.”

“Whatever,” Mayuzumi said flippantly. As he turned back to face Akashi, he showed a rare smile- revealing two pearly, elongated fangs.

“Don’t forget, I need to eat tonight.”

**Author's Note:**

> This entire fic was an excuse to use the word "fangbanger".


End file.
